Class Exercise: April 15th

What can people who are "weak" - because of youth, illness, poverty, prejudice, or a history of being in trouble with the law - do to change their lives and make themselves "stronger"?

Student Responses and Feedback from Instructor

Lee: Here's what you wrote for class this week: "Counseling could be a key. Maybe talking to a professional to iron out things you went through and didn't understand. Some education, or a skill. Build your self-esteem, attend support groups; or if one doesn't believe, believe in a higher power. No matter what the case, it's up to the individual to succeed and prosper. Everyone has the will to do it; that's if you're willing to fight - meaning to be strong and consistent.

Weak or oppressed people need to dig down deep in their soul and touch their inner strength. You can have all the counseling in the world, but it's up to the individual to find what's missing or what's keeping them down. You have to believe. With believing comes confidence and self-esteem. There's no obstacle one can't overcome. Build a solid foundation, belief in a higher power, change your outward or inner appearance. The mind is a powerful thing."

Taylor to Lee - The only place I'd argue with you might be on the issue of "belief." You say that "you have to believe," and also you advise us: "if one doesn't believe, believe in a higher power." What is someone answers you this way: "How can I believe, if I don't believe? Where is the belief supposed to come from?"

I guess your answer is also built into what you've written, when you say that people "need to dig down deep in their soul and touch their inner strength." You repeat a number of times that we need "strength." You also say "Everyone has the will to do it."

Finally, you seem to be saying that everyone really is a believer, or a potential believer. You offer some guidelines for making the effort (counseling, changing your appearance, support groups), but the inner effort and the will to change seem essential. But what if it doesn't come, no matter how hard a person tries? Are there people like that? Do we blame them for not trying hard enough? What's the solution when a man doesn't believe either in a higher power or his inner soul?

Ralph : [Ralph preferred that his writings not be reproduced.]

Taylor to Ralph - I like the way you focus on the "little" things. It seems to me that the people who have the hardest time changing are the ones who want it all to happen overnight, who think if only they find some secret, the whole of life will suddenly be different. (I guess our society tells us that, in its advertisements and tv stories.) But the truth is, that people only change a tiny bit at a time. The real secret is that change in the right direction - like you say, "positive" rather than "negative" - doesn't have to be very big to have a good effect. If you know you're heading in the right direction, you can feel good about yourself, and that gives you added strength to keep going. When you try for a big change, you're usually disappointed because you've asked for too much - and then you get overwhelmed by your defeat and stop trying.

Fernando: "The only way I think the weak and oppressed could defend themselves is to try to mind their own business, to avoid problems in the first place. But that's sometimes hard to do. It's hard for a weak person to defend themselves.

Walk away. It's go to do with self-esteem.

Defend yourself with words, not action. If worst comes to worst ...

To be stronger you need will power, to accomplish the obstacle thrown at you.

Tell yourself that you can do it, every time you think you can't.

Try to see yourself accomplishing these obstacles, and what will be waiting for you when it's done.

It's all about you, not nobody else.

Believe life ain't easy, but the time will come when your eyes open wide and you could see clearly what lies ahead of you."

Taylor to Fernando - All this is good advice. I think your good sense shines through in the balance that you maintain in this advice: you tell us to use will power, and how to develop it (for instance, "seeing yourself accomplishing" things, or seeing what's "waiting for you"), but also, you are realistic about the other side - how hard it can be. The people who finally make changes in their lives are those who admit how hard it is, but also have faith that they can succeed, with effort.

When you say "Walk away. It's got to do with self-esteem," I see your strongest side coming forth. The person who doesn't walk away has a "pride problem." If you really believe in yourself, then you don't need to prove it every time you face a challenge.

Bill: "People, and the elements of things, or reasons we want to give or believe, are making us weak. They can accept that this is their lot in life, even though it does not seem fair, and it is not given them.

Now, what they can say to themselves is, this is what I got to do to get out of this condition. You got to want to change your condition first, in order for things to happen or change. It is whatever it takes. To some, the law of the fittest, of survival.

Now what do I have, to get me up from the bottom? - my mind. To sharpen my mind, to outfox or outsmart, with those bigger and stronger than me. What I have to learn is the rule of life you must follow: to play to win or succeed, I must have determination, perseverance, patience, over and over again, until it is second nature. Through getting knocked down and getting back up, and trying all over again until you get life's lesson for success.

Don't panic. Some people go about the same steps but apply them in different areas, that best suit them. Like brothers in the hood play basketball more than the scholar who educates himself to be better. The scholar vs. the athlete, in getting out of the neighborhood or environment one finds himself born in."

Taylor to Bill - I'm interested in your thoughts on getting out of "conditions" that aren't working for you. I see two different approaches in what you've written: one is to work on yourself (you speak confidently of "my mind" as the key); the other is to work on changing the world you live in ("getting out of the neighborhood or environment one finds himself born in"). Both the Mind and the Neighborhood can be considered "conditions" that a person might want to escape, or might want to improve (and stay in). But the mind is something you have to stay with, while changing the neighborhood might actually help you (and might not).

You present two avenues: the scholar and the athlete. But I see in you, and in your writing too, that these two avenues can be combined. I know you were an athlete yourself, and I also know that you can use your mind. When you talk about the need to get back up after being knocked down, you remind me of your boxing career. But I also see that you learned virtues of mind from that experience, so that the lesson is not just a "sports" lesson but a lesson for thinking too: "determination, perseverance, patience, over and over again, until it is second nature."

I see the same pattern in both things you talk about. The answer isn't one way or the other, but both:

For example, a man needs to use his mind in practical ways (like "basketball in the hood") as well as the more academic ways.

And also, we need to value our minds, and also our neighborhoods. Both challenge us to "change our conditions."

The only thing I wonder about is your idea of "the survival of the fittest." Do you mean the "strongest," or is there some other way of defining the "fittest"? You speak of "playing to win or succeed." That's an idea that comes from sports. Do you have to win in order to succeed? Or are there ways of surviving that don't require a "loser" and a "winner"?

Andrew: "I believe that weak or oppressed people can defend themselves by staying focused and don't let other people's devilish ways turn them away from striving for what they want out of life - because, if so, they already have failed what their goals were in the beginning.

I believe people who are all of the above can change their lives by not reminiscing on what happened in the pat or what's at hand now, and try to stay focused on what they have set in their mind or the goals they want to accomplish. Because when you put a block on your thinking, you sometimes get frustrated and tend to give up, and feel as if the world is crumbling right in front of you, because what you planned didn't work.

I also believe if you can do that, you have overcome a struggle for change and you will already feel stronger in the mind, body, and soul."

Taylor to Andrew - It's interesting how you zero in on two similar situations - in the beginning and end of your writing here. In each case, the word "already" is the key word.

In the first case, you are thinking about how people may have given up on their goals even before they realize it. When a person is tempted by the "devilish ways" of others, that means (in your argument) that they have really given up already - the battle was fought and lost without their ever being aware of it. (How does that happen? A little at a time? Or is it a matter of simply not paying attention to your life as you lead it?)

In the second case, you are thinking of the opposite situation, where a person keeps his mind on what he wants to accomplish, and then (in your argument) he's already stronger and more likely to succeed, without realizing that he's been in a "struggle." (How does that happen? Is that also a gradual thing? Does it involve effort?)

One view would be that winning these struggles is always a matter of paying attention to small things, the details, rather than dwelling on past failures or grand hopes for the future.

Leo: "People learn to face the things that life asks of them by being courageous - like a challenge, always in search of higher ideals. We begin to know who we are when we stop the whining and reviling, and commence to search for the hidden justice, which regulates our life. As we adapt our minds to that regulating factor, we will cease to accuse others as the cause of our condition, and build ourselves up in strong and noble thoughts, cease to kick against circumstances, but begin to use our circumstances as aids to our rapid progress, as we begin to discover the hidden powers and possibilities within ourselves.

I think this also covers self-esteem and righteousness. However, according to Romans 3:10-11, "It is written: There is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God."

Begin working on our thoughts: Selfish thoughts of all kinds crystallize into habits, which then solidify into circumstances more or less distressing. On the other hand, beautiful thoughts of all kinds crystallize into habits of grace and kindliness, which solidify into sunny circumstances. We must begin to build on our thoughts by being pleasant, gentle, and forgiving. If we as a person cease from our sinful thoughts, all the world will soften towards us and be ready to help us. If we put away our weakly and sickly thoughts, opportunities will spring up on every hand to aid us. We should therefore encourage good thoughts, and no hard fate will bind us down to wretchedness and shame. The Peace of God, which surpasses all human understanding, will dwell in our hearts and minds. There will be no room left for folly and petty worries."

Taylor to Leo - There's a curious paradox in the "positive thinking" you recommend. As you explain it, we must put effort into thinking "strong and noble thoughts," "beautiful thoughts," in order to make our "circumstances" match those thoughts. It doesn't just happen, but takes conscious effort. On the other hand, both in your quotation from Romans 3, and also in your allusion to "the Peace of God, which surpasses all human understanding," you are saying that human beings don't really understand the Divine Will or what religious behavior really requires. I suppose, then, that it's not so much an effort to "think positive thoughts" that is necessary, but rather to do the soul-work that opens the heart to Grace. How much of that work is "inward," a matter of how you think, and how much of it is "outward," a matter of what you do?

One way of saying it would be that you must simply not close your heart. But that can take some conscious effort. For some people, first you must try to heal your heart, if it's been damaged by a hard life. Maybe the way to say it is this:

To find the right spirit for Grace to enter, may take a lot of work. But you also can't count on your own efforts or understanding being a solution to life's trials. Grace comes from someplace other than you.

Paulo: "Well, I'm going to tell you my story, about how I was weak coming up in a society where you had to fit in only if you cause trouble. So my first incarceration brought me to a point where I thought making harm was a fun game to play - till I caught my second incarceration. I woke up to the fact I had another person to raise, so I changed my life by asking God a way out, to help my family, etc.

But anybody can change their life if they put their mind to it. Basically, have a good foundation around you at all times. Choose your friends like you pick apples. Maintain a good job, etc. Changing a person's life who has been in trouble mostly all of his life is very hard."

Taylor to Paulo - I like that sentence, "Choose your friends like you pick apples." But that makes it sound easy. In fact, you seem to have two different views of the problem. On the one hand, you say "anybody can change their life if they put their mind to it." But on the other hand, you say that it's "very hard" if you've been "in trouble mostly all of life."

What you say about "waking up to the fact that I had another person to raise" seems like the key to it all. Once you "wake up," and see a reason why you need to change - usually it's for someone else as much as for yourself - then it's possible to do the work necessary. The main thing is to "wake up," isn't it? That means making an effort to see things as they really are, and not fall into the trap of viewing life as "a game to play."

Marty: "I think if a person feels weak or oppressed they should band together with others that are in their situation. The slaves on the plantations in the old South should have had no problem overthrowing their white slave owners. The mind control, the brainwashing, must have been so deep that the slaves must have felt weak and powerless to do anything. In my point of view, I would have been in favor of a violent uprising in the South in the days of slavery. It would have been the only way for the slaves to even the playing field. Talking thing over with white slave owners would have got them nowhere. If the slaves did things the way I would have liked them to do it, America would be a lot different place for African Americans today.

I feel like in the world we live in today, the way the system is set up, the color of your skin, or the financial situation of your family, could determine if a person starts already "weak." Every person in their life - maybe not everyone, but most people - must rise above their shortcomings, whatever they may be, and overcome them. Being a stronger person within yourself must come first."

Taylor to Marty - I agree with you about the old South, but I also agree about the brainwashing that must have gone deep. What are the implications for today's world? You point out that today "the system" determines that some people (because of race or poverty) start life "weak." That's a precondition, even before birth. Does that way of starting do anything to brainwash the individual, as in the old South? In other words, are you thinking that the weakness includes a feeling of powerlessness? Maybe it's the main thing, though being born into poverty is certainly a hard thing to overcome.

How does a person free himself from being "brainwashed"? Isn't that the worst situation, since you don't know how bad off you are?

Art: "How Can Weak or Oppressed People Defend Themselves?

I learned long ago that when one finds himself in a combat situation against an opponent with the skills of an expert pugilist, it is unwise to box with him. Instead, you must wrestle him, or throw spinning kicks and half crescents, because to fight his way or to adapt to his style of fight is stupid in the least, suicidal at best.

When gambling, be it craps, poker, or any game of chance, one must observe the dealer. Note all hand movements, smiles and grimaces. Study the other players, and the conversations they share, because if you don't, you will not win. If the cards are stacked against you, you must devise techniques that place the odds in your favor, for it is difficult, practically impossible, to beat a man at his own game, using his rules, his cards, his stratagems.

Sometimes in life to have a chance at success one must master the game long before the match starts. One must understand the rules of engagement and be prepared to change the rules for his benefit. Life is funny like that: You cannot win a game you do not understand, when the rules change due to our own ignorance. "Ignorance of the law is no excuse," a judge once told me - and she was correct.

The poor, the oppressed, Blacks, women, gays constantly try to play a game that clearly is not designed for them to win. Sure, they are encouraged to play, but it is understood that they should not win. For example, Affirmative Action, contrary to what we may believe, does not benefit most people. Andrew Hacker, in his book Two Nations, Separate and Unequal, draws upon statistics that cite white women as receiving 80% of Affirmative Action and assistance from so-called government quota programs. Supposing this is true, that leaves minorities receiving only 20% of the regulated assistance.

George Bush, both father and son, are against Affirmative Action because they feel these types of programs are discriminatory and unfair to American citizens. In fact, the reason I feel they resist Affirmative Action is because to need Affirmative Action programs is to admit that America is fundamentally unfair and that racism and sexism is alive and well and thrives. Programs such as pre-school were designed to give the poor a chance to level out the academic playing field. However, these types of programs are diminishing and are being replaced by school voucher type programs, which cannot work because most people do not have a separate budget for educational expenditures.

How does an inner city school compete with the budgets and student to teacher ratios of more affluent jurisdictions? They cannot. And thus the poor cannot adequately compete for college placements, scholarship money, or high SAT scores.

I am not saying that the "poor or oppressed" cannot change their situations through perseverance, hard work, and sacrifice. Of course we can and do. What I am saying is that to overcome societally imposed obstacles, we, the poor and oppressed, must try to change the rules of the game, the way free blacks tried. Or the way the civil rights movement tries. It must be acknowledged also that the white liberal middle and upper classes do not want additional competition from the poor, and a practical way of limiting competition is to ensure that competition will not exist. The MCAS is literally forcing children to quit school, creating another class of uneducationed, unemployable poor.

How can the oppressed defend themselves? Self-determination or resolve to adapt to and adopt the practices of the more affluent classes. We have to play the game while keeping our eyes on the prize.

I honestly believe that issues of racial divisiveness are perpetuated not by the working classes but by the powers that be. The "average South Boston resident" feels entitled to jobs and services that are intended for all citizens. His feelings of entitlement become distorted when he is forced to compete for placement. I know of no one that has benefited from Affirmative Action programs, yet most non-Blacks I know swear they did not get a job, promotion, etc., because of Affirmative Action.

Poor is Poor - Black or white. The poor must recognize that the system is designed to benefit the affluent, not the poor. This was a well understood concept in prison, for a Charlestown or Southie white would receive a sentence comparable to the Roxbury Black. The only way the poor and oppressed can help themselves is by socializing and working together against the system and oppressive classes.

I am in full support of white supremacist/separatist and Black and Hispanic groups that advocate self-sufficiency. I feel that once we acknowledge it is poor vs. rich, rather than Black vs. white, or male vs. female, we will be better conditioned to help ourselves. We must see ourselves as one. Identify our mutual goals and go to it. I realize this is an improbability, since schools, communities, and our histories are separated. It is easier to identify with our own color and history. We must understand, No Irish Need Apply works the same as modern discrimination.

It has become obvious that the adage "by the ballot, bullet, bible, or the gun - any which way freedom must come," does not work. Our government, though advocates of democracy of others, does not feel its own citizens deserve a chance at humanity. Just compare what is being done and said in Iraq to here.

The oppressed classes must first acknowledge they are oppressed. Decide whether or not they benefit or are harmed through oppression, then make a commitment to embrace the system as it is, or make sacrifices and change the status quo.

Marches are good but ineffective, as we have seen. The oppressed become the shamed, through "unpatriotic" actions.

Simple Answer: Stop getting in trouble, toughen up, and move on with your life. Things get better when you keep a spiritual base. Pray every day, and live righteously. God knows when you trust in his power.

Reality: People who are "weak" empower themselves through time, change, acceptance and honesty, experience, trial and error. I wish I could summarize the power so easily. Truth is, like prejudice and discrimination or/and racism, the only way to overcome the BS is to start from the bottom, like your pride - do whatever it is that must be done. Use humility as a weapon and wait it out. Or one must change the rules of the game, start your own "business," treat it like a job and run it like a Chinese sweat shop. Monopolize sales and hope that all laws are being adhered to, so as not to cause legal issues at a later date. Jobs are scarce. That is a reality. One must find his niche and utilize one's skill sets and participate in the (urban) economy. If one has a record, jobs have become harder to obtain. Certain businesses, no matter how small, have become a reality. We are living in a service economy where making other people's lives more comfortable has become our job. Be it flipping burgers or teaching or ...

I am understanding the Marxist approach to life. That is: in time, technology will use us all up and eventually very few people will have jobs, so there will be many lay-offs."

Taylor to Art - I like typing up your writing (even though I sometimes have trouble when you are working fast) because I'm interested in the logic of your thought - something that's easier to see when I'm trying to reproduce it word by word. In this week's writing, the metaphor of the "game" with its "rules" dominates most of the thinking. It's not only the key framework you start with, but also controls the analysis of Affirmative Action (an attempt to change the rules, or "level the playing field"), and continues into your advocacy of "self-sufficiency" for oppressed groups.

Here's a question: given the way that power and money are now distributed, is it possible to really change the rules? Affirmative Action, for instance, can be seen as just a variation on the same game, controlled by the same corporations (letting a few minorities join the ranks of the bosses, but not really changing the status of most people).

Of course, you could say we need to change the game itself - capitalism. That's one possible implication of what you say at the end, about "understanding" Marxism.

Or you could ask whether there are other ways to consider our lives than through the game metaphor. It's a metaphor that is certainly popular in a country devoted to win/lose contests at every level of life, but it might be possible to opt out of that perspective, and see the world differently. Do you know anyone who achieves that?

Matt: "What can people who are "weak" - because of youth, illness, poverty, prejudice, or a history of being in trouble with the law - do to change their lives and make themselves "stronger"?

Folks in the above categories appear deficient to those not in them - and the perspective is often mutual. Of course, some folks in subordinate positions have a right to feel picked on; they are. But their tormentors aren't justified in their actions. The poor, young, and "invalid" are easy targets; so how do they get armor? Allies are key. The program I run links troubled youth with advocates who state their cases to judges, probation officers, parents, and teachers. Without an intermediary, some kids won't work through, or work through as fast, their issues; nor will they get the kind of results that an intentional process can offer.

Take Raoul, for instance, a young man I work with. He and I went to an expulsion hearing today. When we arrived at Dorchester High, the principal, Bobby Belle, received us in his office. He mentioned Raoul's offense: marijuana possession. Then he outlined several options: outright expulsion - "Hey, kid, you're on your own" - expulsion for a month, and transfer to an alterative school where he could use that month to catch up on his work, and so on. He stated repeatedly that he wanted to help Raoul advance to the next grade level, because he sees his potential. Mr. Belle went on to describe the change in his perception that occurred when he saw Raoul outside of school one day, helping some girls cross the street. That showed him the other side of Raoul, the caring, responsible side.

He then agreed to let Raoul return to school, and catch up on his work. He went so far as to say that he would not expel Raoul, if his conduct and performance improved, even though the bulk of the faculty and school police had washed their hands of him.

Mr. Belle, if you can believe it, also said that he would research programs that Raoul could join and get remedial help and tutoring.

It's interesting to note that Raoul and Mr. Belle had had a heated argument some time ago, one that left Raoul with the impression that no one at Dorchester High cared. Under that assumption, Raoul reacted by saying, "When I feel that people don't care about me, I don't care." I said last night on the phone that it helps to have even one person in your corner, who will support you, in spite of others' apathy or indifference. Raoul found that person in Mr. Belle, which surprised him. He said, "I didn't know how much he cared."

Taylor to Matt - I'm wondering how to assess that scene you describe. What would have happened if Raoul had faced Mr. Belle alone? There are a number of factors operating, I'd guess. Raoul is more likely to be able to hear what the principal is saying, if he's got you covering his back, as they like to say. Mr. Belle is going to be more generous if he feels that Raoul has impressed someone else (like you) as deserving a break - and people always tend to be more forgiving in a social situation, so long as shame and pride haven't yet entered the equation. Anyway, it's all an argument for the basic point you're making, and the need for allies.

Bert: "The hardest part about "change" is facing the self you want to change. The act of facing it changes it. By looking at it, you often find that it wasn't so bad after all - it had just got wrapped in fear. Don came in with a big grin today, and when I asked him what was going on, he said, "She's keeping me." So something changed. It took courage to face her and own up. It took courage to see how he wanted to have his cake and eat it, and that his girl friend of ten years was what mattered to him.

For the guys in this class, change must begin with confidence - confidence that they can cultivate the discipline of the straight life, and not bounce in and out of jail and probation forever.

For me, as an old man, change means recognizing that, mostly, I'm through changing, and that even my bad habits can be civilized if I don't let them run away with me.

Maybe what underlies change is the ability to become interested in the steady movement of one's life. I'm a little like some of these guys, a kind of adrenalin freak, who needed wildness of one kind or another to keep me awake. Now, of course, not so much. Feels kind of Buddhist, the pleasure and gratitude I begin to take in the ordinary."

Taylor to Bert - All these perspectives, Bert, seem to me applicable to all of us. For the most part the guys are just like you, beyond change, no matter how young - but they can "civilize" their bad habits, turn them around, also like you. And you, stuck as you are in your old ways, have actually faced some frightening new demons, just like Don, and seen pretty clearly what matters to you. I think it all applies to me too. It's a constant challenge, this change that goes with just being alive.

Ean : "There are various subheadings under which the weak can fall, given the specific circumstances in the question posed. To a youth, weak may mean not being able to vote. To the sick, a viral infection; to the poor, lack of money or resources to access money; the one(s) being pre-judged, a pre-judgment; and to offenders of the law, having certain freedoms stripped. So, let us try to define weak. Weak in all of the aforementioned scenarios sums up to a sense of powerlessness. A loss of internal power. The use of the word weak and the feeling of being weak is a serious mental game. It can destroy an entire person's well being. So, that is the question: how can the "weak" change their lives to make their lives stronger?

It is a lot of unpeeling of layers of emotional trauma, and more than just telling oneself that they are not "weak." It requires lots of hours of physical work. I bring it back to many of the established early eastern religions, where the state of nature plays a pivotal role and we learn to connect with "our" world. Human beings can be destructive towards each other, and we rely too much on what each other thinks of one another. We live in a society where man pits man against other men. This should not be so. If we are to be truly destroyed, it should be nature destroying us, and not other men. I know this sounds a bit far-fetched, but I am utterly serious. Connecting with nature will allow us to gain a sense of empowerment, not even a sense - it will empower us. This requires the utmost strength of mind and body, it is both physical and mental - the combination is powerful. It may even require uprooting oneself from the present environment and relocating far or near. The mental work certainly needs to be done, first in order to formulate a plan. You must go into it confident, but open to change along the way, and stay focused on the final result.

From where does this energy come, to bring about necessary change? There is an internal mechanism inside of each human that has been endowed us by our creator, whenever that may be, and we all find or connect with this at some point in our lives. When we do this, it enables us to convert the potential energy into kinetic energy - it is called activation energy - the energy required to start the process of change."

Taylor to Ean - I'm fascinated with your awareness of the continuum of nature/body/energy/spirit. You seem to me to have a very practical, experienced grasp of it. I assume you have lived through much of what you're describing - as an artist and performer, and also as one who has recovered from serious injury. However you come by it, you certainly explain it clearly and convincingly.

I wonder how many of our students have experienced something similar, though perhaps not so self-consciously? I think some of the men have come face to face with another side of the same truth, in prison.

Handouts for 4.15.03

What the Weak Can Do

From Lee - "Counseling could be a key. Maybe talking to a professional to iron out things you went through and didn't understand. Some education, or a skill. Build your self-esteem, attend support groups; or if one doesn't believe, believe in a higher power. No matter what the case, it's up to the individual to succeed and prosper. Everyone has the will to do it; that's if you're willing to fight - meaning to be strong and consistent.

Weak or oppressed people need to dig down deep in their soul and touch their inner strength. You can have all the counseling in the world, but it's up to the individual to find what's missing or what's keeping them down. You have to believe. With believing comes confidence and self-esteem. There's no obstacle one can't overcome. Build a solid foundation, belief in a higher power, change your outward or inner appearance. The mind is a powerful thing."

From Leo - "People learn to face the things that life asks of them by being courageous - like a challenge, always in search of higher ideals. We begin to know who we are when we stop the whining and reviling, and commence to search for the hidden justice which regulates our life. As we adapt our minds to that regulating factor, we will cease to accuse others as the cause of our condition, and build ourselves up in strong and noble thoughts, cease to kick against circumstances, but begin to use our circumstances as aids to our rapid progress, as we begin to discover the hidden powers and possibilities within ourselves.

I think this also covers self-esteem and righteousness. However, according to Romans 3:10-11, "It is written: There is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God."

Begin working on our thoughts: Selfish thoughts of all kinds crystallize into habits, which then solidify into circumstances more or less distressing. On the other hand, beautiful thoughts of all kinds crystallize into habits of grace and kindliness, which solidify into sunny circumstances. We must begin to build on our thoughts by being pleasant, gentle, and forgiving. If we as a person cease from our sinful thoughts, all the world will soften towards us and be ready to help us. If we put away our weakly and sickly thoughts, opportunities will spring up on every hand to aid us. We should therefore encourage good thoughts, and no hard fate will bind us down to wretchedness and shame. The Peace of God, which surpasses all human understanding, will dwell in our hearts and minds. There will be no room left for folly and petty worries."

From Marty - "I think if a person feels weak or oppressed they should band together with others that are in their situation. The slaves on the plantations in the old South should have had no problem overthrowing their white slave owners. The mind control, the brainwashing, must have been so deep that the slaves must have felt weak and powerless to do anything. In my point of view, I would have been in favor of a violent uprising in the South in the days of slavery. It would have been the only way for the slaves to even the playing field. Talking thing over with white slave owners would have got them nowhere. If the slaves did things the way I would have liked them to do it, America would be a lot different place for African Americans today.

I feel like in the world we live in today, the way the system is set up, the color of your skin, or the financial situation of your family, could determine if a person starts already "weak." Every person in their life - maybe not everyone, but most people - must rise above their shortcomings, whatever they may be, and overcome them. Being a stronger person within yourself must come first."

Class Notes for 4.15.03 (Stoehr)

As Bert remarked on our way to class, we seem once again to have settled into a routine where half the class is early or on time, and half of it late. For a while tonight it looked like we'd end up with only half a dozen people, and three facilitators, but by the end of it only one person was absent, Henry. (It's his second time in a row, and I'm worrying about him now, since he's one of the most earnest participants.)

I was waiting expectantly for Art, whose long paper on his early memories of life in England was one of the handouts I had prepared for distribution. Art is so much more skilled as a writer than anyone else in the class, I have been resisting printing up any of his work, for fear of intimidating others. But this week he wrote something without his usual flourishes - more heartfelt, I thought - so I decided it was time to give him some publicity. Since there were six other pieces of writing this week that also had strength and vividness, it didn't look as if Art were being set up as a model for everyone. I handed out eight single-spaced pages for people to read while waiting for the latecomers!

As we waited, I thought to myself that after all, once the semester is underway, it's not such a bad thing to have this quiet period at the beginning, while people read what others have written the previous week. They are getting to know one another well enough to be interested in who wrote what, and I didn't see anyone restive during that fifteen minutes. Only one person probably wouldn't bother to read through these writings - Paulo - but he was so late tonight that we were in the middle of our writing exercise by the time he arrived at 8:05! He came in talking - claiming he'd gotten lost in the campus buildings. Certainly this can happen, but it's our sixth meeting, and he's never been lost before.

While we were waiting for late arrivals, there was a period of casual conversation among people sitting near each other. Bill was one of them, dressed in his typical style - a suit jacket over a t-shirt, and his dapper blue-checked cap with a short bill to it, like a golf cap. Bert remarked on his classy look and got a grin from him. He sat up in front, and Bert engaged him in conversation, asking about his boxing career - which he's mentioned more than once. "Did you box professionally?" "Oh no, just Golden Gloves, amateur fights," he says, pleased to talk about it. "I wasn't a gym rat." I interrupt, pointing at Bert: "He's a gym rat." "You box?" asks Bill. "No, I just work out. You've got to work out when you get to my age." By this time several others are listening, and we all talk about how easy it is to get out of shape. Gym rat talk.

By this time Art has arrived, wheeling a nice-looking bike in the door and leaning it against the blackboard. He sat next to Bill in the front. Lee was up there too. Lee, Ean, Matt, Art, Bill - all the talkers in the front row. The younger guys huddled in the center of the room, also near each other - Ernesto, Andrew, Fernando. Paulo sat in the back corner, his favorite place. Ralph in the other far corner. Pedro near the wall on one side of the room, Lloyd on the other. Leo in his favorite spot, by the wall but near the front. Everyone has gravitated to a seat that feels like his own, even though we've changed our room at least four out of six meeting nights - trying to find a room that is big enough to absorb some of the noise we generate. Now that Ean has joined us, we sometimes have five group leaders and can run very small groups of three or four - which means more people talking at once.

I got people started writing the opening exercise around eight o'clock and let them go till 8:15 even though several were finished in five minutes and just sitting, thinking - I noticed Lee and Pedro in particular, but there were a few others. Most of the heads were bowed over the blue books for the whole time, just as most of them were reading the class writings from last week until I passed out the exercise. I take this as a sign of increasing engagement with our class enterprise. Even those who have little to say in writing seem caught up in the dynamic. Lee and Pedro are what used to be called "other-directed" people, both of them quick-witted, but writing is not their thing. They are among the most engaged in the small group discussions.

Before calling for small groups, I said a couple of things about the reading, hoping to get some indication of how much homework is actually being done. As we approach the readings in Tolstoy, I want to entice as many of them as I can into it. I told them this is the first time I've used the story by Toni Cade Bambara, "Raymond's Run," and wondered how it worked for them. Only two people had anything to say. Of course, Art had read it, and was the first to reply. He said something about how gender influences the way power is represented, comparing the young girl in this story to Richard in Black Boy. I wasn't sure how much of what he said was just to demonstrate his skill at interpretation, but in the end, when he said that he felt the story didn't work very well because it was out of synch with everything else we've been reading, I felt he had a good point. I suggested that the female perspective might give a little more depth to our thinking about male issues. He agreed, but neither of us is really convinced that this story is the right one. I'm inclined to drop it next semester.

Bill also wanted to say something too. As usual, he'd been thinking about the story, and had some theories. Rather than joining in the discussion, he began retelling the plot, trying to set forth the complex way that Bambara contrasts the attitude of her heroine toward her brother, on the one hand, and toward her rival in the footrace, on the other. It would have taken a good deal of back-and-forth discussion to get all of this straight, and I realized that most of the class had not read the story, so I cut him short, feeling that we'd already taken too much time on it.

I'm not surprised that so few read the Bambara, but I'm worried that many are neglecting Douglass too. In some ways this semester's bunch is more engaged and ready to share their thoughts than usual, but they seem to be reading less. We cut back on the number of pages assigned this semester, hoping to draw more people in. Are we seeing an opposite effect? Or are we giving off signals that we don't realize, saying it's not important to do the reading?

I sat with Art and Marty tonight, two of the most interesting men in this fascinating bunch. I've been with Marty before, but I've been moving Art around the other groups, thinking that he'd feel less compelled to confront authority if the person who seems to be running things (me) was not sitting across from him inviting defiance. But now, more than halfway through the semester, it seemed time to sit with him - and in a small group, where there wasn't much audience, so we could engage in plenty of back-and-forth, rather than speechifying. Marty is so solid and clear-headed, I thought he'd be good ballast for us.

We sat near the door. There was an initial moment when we just looked at one another, getting a feel for ourselves as a threesome. "Well," I said, "what do you think? How can the weak defend themselves?" - for that was the question posed by the opening exercise. Art jumped in, much as he had done on the first night, mentioning an author he'd read, someone whose name I didn't recognize. But I think I got the drift of what he was saying, and it seemed to be exactly what I had been thinking as I wrote my little paragraph on the topic tonight: There are "door-sitters," says Art, by which he means people who wait hopefully for their chance, meanwhile staying near the exit/entrance, the way in and the way out. Then there are those who struggle for change, usually fighting against impossible odds. Art doesn't tell you his own choice between these alternatives, but he says he can tell you immediately which direction any kid in his neighborhood is going to go. He can point to them, and predict. I get the impression that he's become a man on the sidelines, like Ernesto, watching, waiting it out, while also yearning for a fight. I get this same feeling from all his writing and talking in class, and I think his edginess comes from this impasse.

Marty is listening to all this quietly. He has a keen sense of when to enter the conversation, letting Art say his fill before offering a reaction. When Art stops for a moment, Marty waits to see if he's finished. If Marty begins to reply, sometimes Art will interrupt immediately - but Marty isn't bothered by this, he just waits.

Marty's view of the issue is already two steps further along: he says that it helps a "weak" person if he can get some perspective, and then he launches into his account of how he moved to Atlanta for his high school years, and was astonished at how much better the education was. He's already said some of this in a group with Bert earlier in the semester, but tonight he's not really talking about school, so much as the whole question of finding a way to get ahead in the world, to use your powers, to get out from under the weight of inner city life.

Can you get a job in Atlanta? I ask. He thinks a moment, considering various possibilities, and answers yes, without elaborating. He also compares housing costs. Meanwhile Art is nodding and adds that living in different places gives you more feeling for the possibilities. He names off some of the cities he's seen - a great many.

I asked Marty why the schools are better in Atlanta. "They pay attention to you," he answered. Yes, I said, but why do you suppose that is? What is it about Atlanta, is it the fact that Atlanta is a black city, a black majority, black government? He thought about it, but I didn't feel that he was sure what he thought. All three of us talked a bit about the nature of Boston, with its various ethnic enclaves - the black (and now Vietnamese) sections, as well as Southie (Irish) and the North End (Italian), and so on. We didn't get to anything very interesting about this - how it might affect schooling, for instance. I would really like to know more about the quality of life in Atlanta. Art thinks the Olympics must have made a big economic difference.

I ask them both why they're living here, if it's better elsewhere - for that seems to be what they are saying. Marty says he returned from Atlanta only to clear up the outstanding warrants on him. Are you going back? I ask. This summer, as soon as his probation period ends. You can tell he means it.

Then I ask Art why he came back to Boston. He talks about returning to the place you've grown up, the place you know. I ask him if he ever thinks of going back to England, where he was raised as a child. Yes, he says, but then it's so complicated. He thinks of himself as a man without a country. I ask him why. "What's your citizenship?" It turns out he's still a British subject, here on a visa that could be revoked at any time because of his felony record - but he's confident that won't happen. Nonetheless, traveling, even to Canada, is a hassle for him. I'm not clear exactly what his situation is, but he's feeling the Patriot Act breathing on his neck. I know from things he's written that he liked England, but he's been gone a long time - hasn't been there since 1979. He's very American in his habits and tastes, and I think he'd have a hard time returning. Among other things, it would be facing his boyhood, and his relations with his father, all over again.

I said something about a notion I used to have that a person should change his "world" every seven years. Art laughed. "How long have you lived here?" When I told him over thirty years, he wanted to know how long I'd taught at UMass, and if I'd taught anywhere else. I told him the names of several universities, but it turned out he was only interested in local schools that he knew first hand. He seemed to place me back in the Sixties, in "bell bottoms," as he put it.

There's a strong streak of scorn in Art, attached to a desire to show off. Maybe I'm not being fair, but I felt that he was less interested in accusing me of provincialism than he was in letting me know he was familiar with all the local campuses himself. Meanwhile, Marty is listening with equanimity. He obviously reads all of this quite accurately, but it doesn't provoke him.

At some point Art got into a riff on John Silber, president of Boston University (where Art went to school), and an educational pundit of local fame. Like most academics in Boston, I'm usually ready to listen to a little Silber-bashing; he's widely accused of arrogance, racism, and the worst sort of authoritarian abuse of power in office. But Art doesn't bother with any of these alleged failings. He goes for Silber's congenitally deformed arm and twisted hand, something you never hear in the academic gossip about him. As he tells us about that hand, and how Silber uses it, Art illustrates, pulling up his right hand near his face and shaping it like a claw. He leans forward and shakes it at me with a leer on his face. I asked him whether he himself had ever had occasion to shake that hand. Yes, he said with satisfaction, not going into details.

All this seemed like cruel mockery, but it was strange how deeply Art seemed to identify with his imitation, enjoying the defiance it allowed him to enact. He kept it up for a long time, repeating the words and the gesture over and over.

Then, by a process of association, he moved to a description of a science teacher he had known, also at BU, with two such hands. Again the imitation, the leer. And to top it off, he said that everyone in the class was disgusted by the teacher's hands - except for a man who attended in a wheelchair. Art didn't go into detail about this cripple in the wheelchair, but the reference to him seemed to explain something about the entire account. Cripples sympathizing with cripples. There was a weird, almost greedy delight in ridiculing these men in authority, representing them as pathetic, with their withered limbs. Somehow that seemed related to his eagerness to laugh at my thirty years at UMass - in his estimation a school for less capable students, with less prestige, than the places he's been. Just under the surface of this, there seemed to be a need to shake his fist under my chin, not at me, personally, but what I represent - white authority - and say: Look at me, black, a felon, a social cripple! How do you like it?

At one point he said something like this: You teach at UMass because you're a liberal, and want to "help" people who are working class or minorities. I said: No, that's not it. I teach here because I like students who are serious about their work. They're older, they're here because they want to be. That makes it more interesting. This answer surprised him. Did he realize that, when I said something about the average age and earnestness of the UMass student, I was also thinking of him and Marty?

What was Marty's reaction to all of this? Cool, unperturbed, so far as I could see. The gestures and leers were addressed to both of us, but Art was trying to make me flinch. Marty was the audience.

I've reported only a portion of our conversation, and devoted much more space to this last episode than to other matters we talked about. We were all three engaged enough to lose track of the time, and suddenly I realized that other students were beginning to stand and get their things ready to leave. I still hadn't passed round the attendance sheet for people to sign, or the new assignments. I rushed to do this, and there was a lot of hubbub in the room for ten minutes.

All the small groups seem to have gone well, and several interesting shifts are becoming apparent. Bert reported that Don has faced the big problem of telling his girlfriend about his unfaithfulness. Don was certainly smiling.

Bobby sat with Paulo, and I don't think anything went wrong. Paulo didn't bring any homework, but he did write two pages on the opening exercise, more than he's ever written, and more coherent too. I think that he's ashamed of his writing, which is so anxious and wandering that it's hard to know just how literate he is. Maybe the experience won't be entirely negative for him, if he's gotten past his show of resistance.

Matt sat with the younger guys tonight - Ernesto, Andrew, and Fernando. I'm interested in hearing what went on there, because of something Ean said. Apparently he overheard those three talking in the hall before class about the difficulty of getting help in school with their writing. I'm not sure I've got this right. Are any of them in classes other than ours? In any case, Ean was telling Bobby about this, and volunteering to tutor them. I joined the discussion, and suggested that Ean approach them personally, next week. I'll put the three of them in a group with him, and he can explore the situation. Like Matt, he's worked with young people quite a bit, and he's obviously very eager to help out. How lucky we've been this year in having these two pros turn up! I can't imagine this semester without them.

After class, a few of the students stood around talking for a long time. I particularly noticed Lee, Art, and Bill - three tall men, probably our most voluble, standing near the door. Lee was saying to Art: "Some people sit and listen, you know. They don't have to do all the talking." I got the impression that Art had said about "door-sitters" - a continuation of things he proposed in our group discussion. Lee seemed to be giving Art some indirect advice about his own style. Yet it was a friendly conversation, the three of them obviously enjoying each other, full of mutual respect and a kind of "manly" pleasure in talking about real things. Finally Art took his bike from where it was leaning, and wheeled it out. The others left, and it was just us five "teachers" - Bert, Matt, Bobby, Ean, and me.

Our conversation went on another ten minutes. Everyone was feeling that the semester has hit its stride. As Matt wrote last week, things have gelled. I noticed something tonight that was new, and significant: while in the conversation with Art, he wasn't just leaning in my face with his Silber imitation. There was also a time in the conversation when he was making a point, and leaned forward to put his hand on my arm, a gesture of emphasis that felt quite friendly and uncomplicated - simple, spontaneous interaction. Later, after the class had ended, while I was handing out new assignments and picking up last week's work, I had a few words with Bill, still sitting in his chair, getting his stuff together. The same gesture of touching came from him, in our brief exchange. Then, right after that, Don came up to me on his way out, a big smile on his face, and shook my hand - his way of telling me that he had worked things out with his girlfriend.

I take all these touchings as powerful signs that we have entered a new stage in the semester, with four weeks to go.

Class Notes for 4.15.03 (Stern)

I didn't enjoy the session entirely, because they wouldn't exactly talk about what I wanted them to talk about. Looking back, I see they talked about something better. It started off with Leo, who said, in response to my question, that change is an act of mind. When we have a goal clearly in sight, and invest our will in reaching it, we succeed.

Before Don got back from the men's room, Leo had told me about how he's running around. He has a job as some kind of financial adviser to a folding company, which has apparently kept poor records. Now he's trying to make them a plan but there's no paper trail.

Don, in answer to the same question, started talking with real feeling about how the rap music spreads bad attitudes, but still he likes the music. He wishes rappers could sometimes give positive messages. He said he was listening to music in his car with his son, when his son (eight years old) began to kind of shuffle his head to the beat and make the appropriate idiot noises. Don turned the music off; he didn't want a son who did that mindless thing with his head. He also initiated a talk with the boy about drugs. What are drugs? the kid wanted to know. But the main thing for Don was the prohibition. I asked him if he thought that enforced prohibition was one of the ways people change, and he said yes. He thought that if he told the kid at eight that drugs are bad that would be the end of it.

I don't mean to trivialize this. He was serious and intense. I think a key question I didn't ask, at this point, was whether there were also positive steps he had to take to protect the boy from his historically bad culture, but I didn't ask the question so I didn't get an answer.

The actual big bang of the class came from Leo. In the context of change he offered this story. When he was twenty-five, down in Montserrat, a British colony in the Leeward Islands, he went over a friend's place, and the people were drinking and smoking the monster joints people smoke where weed is abundant. So he had a few drinks and tokes on the joints, and the next thing, he was sleeping on his friend's bed, having a dream. It began as a dream of heaven, a joyful and peaceful place, which, in its physical description, sounded very much like my own dream image of Montserrat. That was the first part of the dream, and then, in the second part, screams and the stench of hell. The dream was very vivid and powerful, as he described it to me.

When he came to, he got up and went to his car, to drive home. But his head was still caught up in the dream, and he drove a mile and a half too far. That's when he saw this great arch of fire in front of him, and, in his ears, what he took to be people screaming. He was sure that he'd died and was entering hell. But when he got closer, he saw that the arch of fire was a tree limb they'd pulled down and tied, and fixed with lights. It was Lola's, a familiar dance hall. Leo was overwhelmingly glad to be alive. He walked right past the usher guards, who wanted entry money, and he grabbed the first woman he saw and started dancing.

Since that night, as I understand, Leo knew himself to be a Christian and gave up alcohol and drugs.

Don loved the dream. He asked me if I'd ever had a dream like that, but I haven't. He'd had one, of heaven, with his family.

Don also wanted to know my thoughts on the exercise subject, and I started talking to him about facing parts of the self that you don't wish to see. But I lost him, and I think what he really wanted was more feedback on the stories he told. No, it was more specific. It was about bringing up his son that he really wanted to talk. But as the discussion went, we didn't get to that.


Sixth Assignment: Due Tuesday, April 22nd

Reading:

1. Frederick Douglass, Narrative, first half of chapter 10 (through page 43)
2. Handouts: Richard Wright, excerpt from Black Boy; Langston Hughes, "Last Whipping," and Bill Russell, excerpt from Second Wind

Writing:

All of the readings are about the relation of violence and manliness:

To what degree is it necessary to use force to defend one's rights against oppression or injustice in public life?

In private life? Can you think of examples in your own experience?